Narcissism

It's a beautiful thing to cut loose, the gravity that pulls you into every universe' center.

To see & truly see. I mean, see beyond me. To see that when I enter another's space, they are the center of their universe, & I too must honor that.

The world's got more to gain from losing oneself in union; from looking through universal perspectives.
Not me, but us. Nor home, but country.

Not only am I my brothers' keeper, I wash my brothers' feet. Not because I have little esteem for self..
Au contraire..
As a result of the love I have come to encounter through the self.

Woman

Always, this worship over loving a woman. Rarely a word on how to make him smile, that man on the corner. 

Are we made equal? And if we are, where's the equality in all the drama over this woman's existence? 

A strong woman; A sexy woman; Treat her like a queen; She's a down-ass chick.

Just how many labels do we give in praise of our men for every ten thousand labels of blessings we shower upon our women? My guess is, it's a one-size fits all kind of deal.  

We seem to be churning out men who are mostly trying to be like the next man. Or is it the men who have exchanged their wider periphery for a staple identity? The gentleman.   

One may want to argue who has it worse this present day- the woman or the gentleman?

I see only where humanity has had the potential for creativity and has opted out. 

We do not have to label ourselves and prop our entire existence in a box beneath the Christmas tree. Making of ourselves a gift to fit one occasion, we forget that we are indeed larger than life itself! 

While the modern woman struggles against the one-size fits all identity, it would appear to me, the men are settling into it for themselves. 

Now, if we had a scenario of a world that churned out more Mother Teresa's and Princess Diana's through the ages, a world with more female archetypes that served as role models. 

If the women of the world saw just a handful more of larger than life characters on the world stage, as the men steadily do, what would the female demographic look like?

I mean, as it were, women are left to their antiques, left to design the characters of their choosing. 

Now, pop culture and the media seem to be lagging behind in this arena.

They either do not know what women want, or they are deliberately working to stifle the soaring image of a modern day woman.

How similar is her semblance to the women who tended to their homes and lands and kingdoms while their husbands and kings went to war? How similar is her semblance to the women even before then?

It may serve us well to refer to our history, as we decide the destiny, as well as the emergence of the modern day woman. 

It may serve us just as well, to remember that ultimately, we are of a species of homosapiens, and while neither science nor the evolution of ages come with an instruction manual, societal rules are a gift of creativity.

We hold the liberty to choose who we become, independent of any and all labels, proceeding from lady to gentleman. 

The man may seem to be at his pinnacle, the man may seem to be found, fitting himself into a structure of manhood yet resisting his pure identity as soul. 

When you look in the mirror, do you see what you have been told to see?

Have you been told that you're black? Have you been told that you're of the upper class and can't look back?

What have you been told? 

That you are a man. That you are to decide the direction to which the ship sails. That you are an uncle, a brother, a father, a soldier, and a gentleman. These labels, when you look in the mirror, and you hear a voice that isn't yours tell you your name; Do they cause you a mixed feeling of pride and pressure? Do they cause you to feel such a burden, beneath which you have lost touch to your dreams, to your voice, to your identity and pleasures?

A woman might hold her head up high and say she has fought to be where she is today. Let her do her bold peacock dance- she is after all a beauty to behold.

All the world wants to tame her; all the world fights to discover her, to name her.

But how so do we forget our men? 

CATTLE CONSCIENCE | PT. 2

The life of a Builder, Builder of visions, is sensitive to time. It must honor process like the life cycle of a butterfly. Each stage bears fruit, each stage hones and owns it's scenery: its all nameless, all jargon, it all just is. Stages are a mystery to some and life's simplicity to others, for in union, all life becomes a moment's notice. The process, with a little patience at each stage is the work of a fine architect. And with the work of a fine architect, the builder knows if he likes the garden or just the zoo. That's Life's simplicity- knowing all we have chosen to see is all in the heart. All I'm really saying is let's take a walk together, as many of us as we can muster. For there's a scenery out there that won't be missed. A world out there that should not be missed. A scene for the million, maybe billion sceneries that our eyes have created within themselves. There's a world out there that refuses to be dismissed, neglected, forgotten. A world that can be changed in a moment's notice, if you just walked and talked about the world's imaginings and those of your heart. Take a glance, let's create a new vision from old eyes. With commanding speech, a builder's scenery in a moment's notice. Let's walk and talk while the earth sits still at our feet, recording stories of what the world really needs. You're attached to this rat race I see. But the wind blows and the cock crows, it's morning, wow, it's morning..beckoning! You're yawning. Awake now to the sound of your name as one distant truth to all the world's needs. Take a walk with us. If you have to lose yourself to find yourself, do that, we are all waiting to call you nameless, waiting to become your myriad namesakes.

A Few Notes..

ON PRINCIPLE, BY DESIGN


The LANGUAGE, MATHEMATICS
you think if we all spoke mathematics instead of french, we would all be rich? in what language does this world make sense? so many professions, now we lose sight where the money is. so many cultures, now we lose sight where the language of compassion is. what currency can we speak? my people are suffering!


A concept is the most intelligent way to distill one's resources- to create quality raw material with minimal effort. A process- tried and tested- is a deliberate creation of excellence.

LEFT BRAINER, RIGHT BRAINER | Word Calculator
'Emperical Study' to the Left Brain is The 'Observation of Dynamics' to The Right Brain. & 'Sequencing' to the Left Brainer is 'Prioritization' to The Right Brainer. Same Results, Different angles and feelings.

i love how we go full-circle in life. sometimes in a space of days... life's such a curriculum of learning.. i pray for a good attitude.


THE COLOR OF LOVE
You know what I love? I LOVE to make Your most beautiful qualities stand out- like a GIFT, wrapped! Call me the Color Alchemist. Make me blush too


Name Your Pain. Clarity serves a purpose. Ownership wins so I own all of me, Flaws and All. And then, I'm FREE.



DUTY & ROLE-PLAYING | Tell Me Your Name

The Angel Who Forgets Her Name forgets Her Chosen Form Of Worship- Her Duty.

Are You The Forgotten Angel or The Angel who Has Forgotten?

My Power is in the latter. Ownership is my sincerest form of Worship. Flaws and All. Power and Responsibility.

"Remarkable Me."



LOVE
Always felt obliged to share whatever wisdom I tune into with those I care about. I realize now that my presence is the best wisdom and wisdom enough.


I WANT MY POWER
Confusion and Desperation are two sides of the same coin. The true value of that coin is our desire to take Deliberate Action.


I AM PETTY, PETTY & PROUD
You want Me to say Thank You to YOU, because You told ME THANK YOU? I don't get it, I just lost track of where The VALUE was created!
When you show me where the value is, you SHOW me the MONEY. When you hide your appreciation of value, we LOSE MONEY, we lose SIGHT of the CREATION!
It's the simple Things in Life we forget.
Simple Things are all there is on a list of my favorite things..
Thank You


Appreciation is impact. Appreciation is Value Creation. In every process, show Appreciation and create Progress.


When I finally device an instrument for measuring Love, i'll be The Greatest Mathematician who ever Lived. Finally, Leonardo Da Vinci And Me can bring Love back to Life, by Defining its Purest Hue! In Ultimate perfect fashion..


A moment of discretion is my precision par excellence. My Devotion, My inspiration is in staying 1 with the Universe.


When I die, please bury me beside Lazarus, he is my hero, he gave into death knowing Jesus will come.


Ever wanna match the stones with the stars?


Off Light, Make Night See Road. (in Nigerian Pidgen English)

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

Pray I that you remember your old friend, Sweet Water. In Honor of Love's Glory, you have been the most ordinary story of my encounter with life. On this earthly plane, I say, My friend, I never found a form more passionately ordinary. Not in, not by any of this world's errors have you been made so plain to see. You're visible simply in the perfection of your untribal devotion. Not even the galaxies wish to lose sight of the rivers.
Water! Look, I sea Water! 
In every moment that I have looked into a glass mirror, I've sought out other clues; they tell me of some vague truths rooted in my vanity. But my friend, you? When my shadow hovers over you, you place my woes right beneath my feet. Halting, stampeding upon the errors of my ways. I find beauty's truth when I see water. Water, my friend, my soldier. I wear you like a dress, I become you, even while I taste you. Your magic, it's silly! Ordinary waters, streams of water.. pray I that I am anointed with thirst.
An ordinary treasure chest for my soul. 
You offer me the world as if it were mine. 
This ordinary love: it's refined, polished, purely finished. 

HER RECORD BEST

Wait, Wait, Wait a little, let the moon get dressed. 

Allow her, her sweet, noble lady time. 

She's shy, easily hidden behind clouds. 

If I took my seat beside her, her beauty would glorify my flaws. 

The opulence of her gracefulness, like beggars riding horses of free wishes. 

Found her on her usual scene, serving me poetic justice. 

She orchestrates the mood of the night, unrehearsed. 

So sweet what tales her light brings; History's own, history's very own concubine.  

My destiny it must be to touch her beauty; 

Indeed, I'll leave it all behind to explore great skies. 

Wait a little let our noble lady get dressed. 

I find a hobby in making guesses at her record best. 

I never give it my best, truly. 

Always standing in awe, amazed, devastated by her essence, 

The brilliance and quality of her presence. 

Her record best is a tale of the chicken and the egg; I can never decide

She has me dazed and hypnotized. 

She's shy, noble, just doing her duty. 

Honorary in the heart of history. 

LOVE & WAR

They say it is incredible, an incredible dream: a world in right order, flourishing in peace. 
Who sold them these unnatural dreams? Dreams of vengeance and war. 
I can't find space in this mind of mine, space for the generosity of love- it's all too vast to fill my mind. Nobody loves, Nobody cares. I've got worries and major fears.
There is an appointed time and place to recognize you and your beauty, young brother, but right now what's yours must become mine. I cannot forsake my eternal greed for your momentary need. Let us not squander our limited resources trusting one another's agenda. If I were you, I would never do that. 
I am one man with all the world's needs; one man with one man's greed, for a slipping eternity that speeds up my heart beat. 
I suffocate in my nightmares in deep sleep: blood, tears, hunger- sorrow's brothers. Tomorrow is just another tomorrow, with a rising sun, and day dreams of demise and hunger, tears and blood. I've got worries and major fears. 
As if by reflex, my eyes have been made to see the morning sun and swiftly wage wars. Waging wars is a habit, a habit of the human race. 
I wouldn't pretend that love has never imposed its power on me. For decades, I've born witness to little children play Jesus for easter celebrations. Other days, the sound of solemn plays as kids escape into a world where they become the  doctor and the fireman, soldier, and the banker.  
How do they, once characters of life's comic relief, grow up angry and antsy?
Disengaged, disconnected, disappearing within a mass of selfish desires, that quick crash down on a world and its very newborns.
Pearls. We're each Lost at sea with a plethora of pretty little pearls on strings of solemn despair. Love would make for a much better string if you ask me.
Love, a most superior raw material. 

Brazilian Soul Through My Headphones

this song is the image of a lady; legs wide open, yet resisting your tongue. bottle of wine. red. she pours it gently between her thighs.

petals & wine. my tongue, she must ride. pink rose. she pours the wine, i tear rose petals from its root. frozen butter breasts covered in a dozen pink petals.

she tastes lovely; twice as nice. drunk in love. i taste her wine. ooH..the VINE! we kiss. her body i hardly missed.

i'm back with my head in her thighs. mouth full of wine. she poured and i ravished. grabbing me for another kiss; feigning for a taste of her wine from my lips. dinner & two drunks. her body .. beauty's porcelain doll. vintage & polished in milk & pure honey. i must eat.

A Few Notes..

-Winnie The Pooh Never Hoards His Honey.

-you gotta comprehend your dedication, your determination, more than you do your obstacles! it's about the fight in the dog.

-the world is, and always has been filled with recycled fears. the new fears are experienced by a few people who take unfathomed risk.

-they don't understand you because you are effortless in the way you are. action gotta look like action to them. what they don't know is leaders started to grind before they 5th birthday. a few years later we mastered the art. now we look like monks.

-you be the first to sound conceited, but you be the first to expose your darkest weakness. you ain't ever had a problem with truth, that's the point.

-all i did was recognize King Solomon's hustle before i knew more than a few words. he taught me all the recipe to a perfect prayer. i prayed

-to be a master strategist, you must first master how to go with the flow.

-Lord please bless me with humility, not in spite of wisdom but as a result of wisdom. #solomonasservant

-i will always say... choice-making is the ultimate art-form. from moment to moment and day to day, choose well.

-stay vigilante! furnish your dreams!!

-time is what you perceive it to be. what is 10 yrs in one's life, 'd be a day in the life of a man who has made a heaven of his inner world.

-No two men have the same demands placed upon them, by Courage.

-if we can see every "disease" as a gift, an answer, a door- to a request, a question, a passage we have always sought after, old age would become the singular cause of physical death. dying from age could then only occur on our own chosen schedule. do not surrender yourself to death because life has lost its charm. embrace death because the world has known one more champ with charm. live life to the fullest and make lemonade with life's lemons are not encouragements in life to be taken with a half heart. keep pushing the boundaries of what those words truly mean; do it often. decide today to be caught giving life even when tomorrow comes. and to give life, one must be truly alive. "Carpe the hell out of this Diem!". do it no matter the circumstance, because between me & you, I'VE GOT THE MIDAS TOUCH.. I don't know about you.

~SELAH

let the ones who see with eyes of a Judge call themselves God. and let the ones who see with the eyes of God call it human nature.

the sustainability factor. we must live from a mindset of lasting legacies. embrace this key & discover the intricacies of architecting your life.

when we want two things-all at once-that will serve a similar purpose, we do not realize that we want neither of them, at the same time.

find me a man who could describe the intricacies of all that he desires within his heart, & you have found a man who turns water into wine.

we over-analyze, criticize & talk way too much! we often place ourselves an extra, unnecessary word-or thought, away from gratitude & love.

DON'T LET THEM TELL YOU THAT IN LIFE WE DO NOT GET EVERYTHING WE WANT.THEY'RE THE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS, AFRAID THAT U HAVE VISIONS OF BEAUTY

in life most of us don't know what we want most of the time. and so, when we keep getting what we want-as we often do-we don't recognize it. and then we say something is good or something is bad. no, it's not it's just in accordance with the complexities of our heart's desires. sooner we understand that we create our own destinies, from moment to greater moments, the more we can use our personal power purposefully.

A Nigerian's Story of "Madness" and Evolution

Written April 9^th, 2013

                                    

            When shaken with trauma, different people handle the situation in several ways. There are two ways to deal with adversity that I have come to understand. Some people prefer to carry on with their lives, without a reminder of what hardship they have faced. Others, like me, like to carry on living too, but also appreciate an occasional reminder of what we have been through. In my case, I believe that no experience is ever wasted. Personally, I actively remold my identity based on significant life events. A while ago, I had an experience I would never have imagined would be part of my life’s journey. It seemed as though my destiny had been changed- and suddenly! Now, how this will affect me is yet unknown, as the events have been ongoing for the last three years, but what I can say is that it has not been without significant pain. However, being the second type of person I previously mentioned, I have learned a great deal from this series of affairs.

            Among many things, I now believe that humility is a state that some of us can only reach with lots of hard work. More importantly, I believe that humility and patience are the first requirements if one is to experience real growth. With humility and patience, a person is able to respond sympathetically and with concern—in other words, compassionately and constructively—to whatever hinders them, in form of a flaw. It all started one night. The night I was taken away to hospital. After three months on admission, receiving psychiatric treatment, the doctors convened my family and I, confirming all the symptoms I manifested as being those of a schizophrenic. The most notable feedback I will always recall from that meeting is that the nature of the mental illness—schizophrenia—makes it a life long disorder. I was shaken by that awareness. My father, till date believes it to be a condition I can subdue, if I thoroughly apply myself.

            The night I went into a characteristic mental breakdown, I was sure the world had just ended. Engulfed in an odd reality, pushed deep into a world of fear: In this place, my most crippling fears and my greatest passions took shape in many forms. I would have constant hallucinations: hear voices in the wind, voices from the radio and the television. Many were threatening voices, but overtime the voices of loved ones—long gone— replaced them. Reunited, we created a formidable team and played around in the world by contributing to major world events. I was always in the news. Yes, all news channels, including the radio! Basically, the world became my oyster, and I found this to be the most amazing feeling in the world. As I engaged in mischief and play, I passed time by resurrecting the dead, and I was quite certain this was happening. One becomes larger than life while having these mental episodes. All around me were people who appeared very skeletal, and smelled not like dust, but like they themselves were dust. I saw dead people. They were cleaners, kitchen staff, some of them even patients at the nurses’ station, who came in for their vital signs. Once, a group of almost twelve people came into my room to pray over me. All around me, I looked into eyes sitting loosely in their sockets, smelled dust, and found them to behave old and new all at once. I thought we were all living in strange times. Or at least, this is what imbalanced brain chemistry caused me to experience.

            For three months, such a world was where I existed, walking in a hologram of my internal affairs: my greatest fears and my greatest passions. The future and the past amalgamated in this place, lain out before me with an intensity of emotion that has been etched in my essence forever. My sisters, brother, my entire family thought they had lost me, also forever. I was being seduced by a future that in fact brought me hope, but was tormented by a present and a past that brought me fear and great discomfort. Why was I imprisoned for a mass murder on almost the entire humanity? This is a story of my past that had furnished my new world. My sanity was gone; I knew it but could not find an end to it. This other life was really all that I could understand during those times. Actually, I had lost memories of the true world in my battle to survive. Every night I entered into the depths of my unconscious and awakened its most heightened fears. At these hours I came to know that I lived alone in battle, within an alternate world I really could never understand. In this place my subconscious flawlessly architected, I had no hope of an end. Sleep did nothing to release me and the days never stopped. Once a year, for three years these episodes took place, and each time, to my delight, they did in fact end. Life continued.

            Each time these schizophrenic episodes occur, there is a relatively long psychiatric visit, then the long winding recovery process, which includes a struggle to recall normalcy. This struggle lasts anywhere from five months to a year, and alas! Recovery kicks in. Since my most recent episode, or relapse, I am still struggling: this struggle is for mental and emotional fluidity. Unlike other relapses, this time around it seems as though everything has been taken away from me. The rug has been pulled from under me, and I need to start over. I have lost the self I used to know, and a lot of my old abilities gone with that. I have become awkward in many ways: in my outlook, my thought process and my behavior; this is not me, the one who used to be so free spirited, positive minded and quick on her feet. But now, finding herself to be overly critical of oneself and others, unappreciative of the positives and slow to think. It has been a struggle in many ways, but a blessing when I see that I have to be my own healing. In thinking about my situation, I have observed a multitude of characteristics about myself.

            One of these characteristics I take much interest in is the extent of pride I have cultivated over the years. I became so comfortable in my effortless way of being that I expected the same of others. With this turn of events I have begun to struggle for those same qualities that I thought to be my way of life, my natural mode of being. It hasn’t taken me too long to realize they are altogether my driving force of living. I depend on them immensely. Each and every day I see more and more how this understated pride has hindered me from living with a truly open mind and with genuine compassion. In effect, I find how it impedes my growth. This lack of compassion reflects in my impatience with myself. And if anything is needed at a time like this, where I am trying to rebuild myself, it is patience. Going by my logic on how each trait depends on the other, this same patience first requires humility and then compassion. I am learning that pride often goes unnoticed within us, and it is a journey worth embarking on to achieve the humility we so often hear of.  It takes hard work. In my fresh need to live through each moment merciful upon myself, I am learning that I need to show this mercy to others sometimes even before myself.

            It has been almost a year since my last relapse and I am still very well invested in recovering. For me this is the longest recovery has ever taken. I grow impatient at times, but at other times I am blessed with great insight regarding my situation. It is true what they say, that everything happens for a reason; but I believe that the people who truly live by this credence are the ones who proactively go out in search of that reason. I say this because during my times of frustration and hopelessness, faith has always been my anchor — though shaken at times — but not faith alone. For me, the sign of hope is often revealed as a deep-seated insight into what I am here to learn from the situation or what I am being built for by my experience. As a result of this, I spend my days immersed in hours of never ending introspection and metacognition; metacognition of which has in fact become my greatest tool. A product of the aforementioned activities is what is now a constant awareness of the degree of pride that sits, hidden within me. I know now that pride works silently, and is often contained in a camouflage. To seek humility, is a work of a lifetime; this is a notion now thoroughly engrained in me.

Wrote this one a year ago. My journey begins now: I have a dream to alleviate this brain illness for generations down. Books on Science, Fact and Fiction soon come.